Episode 55 - with Dr. Ray Guarendi

Is your marriage failing?

Or is it good but you want to make it better?

In today’s show, Dr. Ray Guarendi discusses several of the ten steps in his book, Marriage: Small Steps, Big Rewards. Each is a tool to help improve your marriage; he also gives several points in each step as to why partners are reluctant to use that step. The book is an interesting read with practical suggestions, and it is available at www.drray.com.

Dr. Ray noted that children often have difficult behavior patterns because the parents are not on the same page. The parenting problem is an extension of a marital problem.

The First Step

In the first step, the three most difficult words to say are discussed - “I am sorry.”

In today’s world, humility is often looked on as a fault, not as a virtue. One only has to say they are sorry for what they said or did; some won’t say these three healing words because they don’t believe they have anything for which to say sorry. Or they're worried that saying these words will convince the other that I am wrong, and I already act sorry, so why should I have to say it?

The Second Step

The second step involves another phrase, “Don’t say it!”

The tongue is a small organ but can do great damage. We must work harder to hold back our tongue when we are angry, as the words spoken can never be taken back.

Reasons we charge on and speak are that, “I cannot help the way I feel,” “I am a person who speaks his mind,” and using the excuse that, “I need to vent.” 

The Third Step

“Listen a minute!”

Just say to yourself, "I won’t speak. I'll try to actively listen to what the other person is saying."

We say that we heard what the other said, but are we really listening? Reasons to not stop speaking and listen include, “I can’t stay quiet, even for one minute,” “If I stay quiet what I might hear could upset me,” and “I already know what I am going to hear.” 

The basic ten steps outlined in the book make so much sense, and one will grow in holiness by actively trying to grow and strengthen each step.

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